[Filter: Private]

Dad wants to get moving within a week. That's him for you, isn't it? The second you're not in mortal danger, you're packed into a carriage and shipped off. Right, so this is the first time that's happened in this exact way, but, you know. Same idea, right?

I just keep thinking. What then? Yeah, I know. Thoughts. From me. Unebelievable.

But you know, seriously, really, what then? I get married, sure, Dragons, even that's -- but whatever, you know, okay. We move to Rhia? She works at the university, there? I ... party all the time? I guess. It makes sense, and Rhia's the best city for that, so hurray for me. I'd be away from my family. Living the high life. And then eventually I ... die.

Fuck, does anyone else think like this? See the future as a looking black horizon?

I just

I'd just kill myself if it didn't feel like throwing away a plate of food. Even if you don't want to eat it and it's half bad and disgusting, it's still perfectly good food. There are plenty of people who would kill for that food. In fact the food probably looks really really delicious to anyone except me! Wouldn't it be ungrateful to throw it out? Isn't it the best thing for me and the cook and everybody watching if I just stomach it, bite after bite after fucking bite?

Look, I finally understand a metaphor. Maybe I should march back up north and pass my exams with this knowledge.

I'm pathetic.

... I want to see my daughter.