[ WHAT A DIZZY DANCE ]

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:05:38 GMT

[Filter: Hazel]

Yeah, alright. Let's do it. If you're sure about it, too, I'll write to my father and get the money tomorrow.

I like it. Nice place. Already got all these ideas of what we can do with it.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 05:55:12 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Hm, does look like a nice place. Big, spacious, nice, furnished. Lots of land, too. Reasonably priced, all things considered.

And it's here in Aeda, far from home, which is the best thing of all.

[Filter: Public]

Well, Dragons, after a Guardian of the Altar gives a little sermon for the journalfolk, how am I supposed to say something? You can't really compete there. I'll just look like an idiot. Fuck!

Uh, let's just go with ... Happy Day of Everlasting Light, uh, keep it faithful and good all throughout the year. Right.

Tradition broken.

Mon, 25 May 2009 04:29:07 GMT

[Filter: Eriena]

Well, hey there, you.

Mon, 18 May 2009 01:29:24 GMT

So after a few weeks of empircal evidence, I have discovered that being married is mostly exactly like not being married.

Maybe it'll be different once we actually, you know, aren't living in the family house, but apparently that's a process and for once my father actually cares what I do. Probably because it's his money that's being spent.

Yeah, that sounds like him.

Children might also make a difference, but no sign of those little assholes yet.

So yeah! That's my life. Grossly overrated in total. How's everybody else?

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:57:09 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Well.

This is it.

... yeah.

[Filter: Public]

So hey, magic journals, I went and got married. Good times.

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:34:10 GMT

[Filter: Private]

The worst part isn't that I made a complete drunken idiot out of myself, though that was pretty bad, let's be honest.

It wasn't even that she completely schooled me. In fact, I can live with that, though I was apparently pretty worked up about it at the fucking time.

The worst dragonsdamned part is that I think she's ...

I think she might be right.

I've spent the last months running away as fast as I could from what was going to happen, and hey, what do you know, here we are anyways. Nothing I don't do is going to fix anything, so isn't it my responsibility -- oh, I'm good at that one, sure, right -- to do what I can do?

... all this time, I've avoided actually ... saying something because I've been afraid of fucking everything up but holy shit it can't get more fucked up than it already is, can it? I'm getting married tomorrow, almonst, and I can't look at myself in the mirror and say that I really actually want to do it and considering how this has been my one and only dream for -- ever ...

I have no idea what --

Yeah, Eriena, you're right, and fuck you.

... Dragons.

Okay.

Fuck.

[Filter: Hazel]

Hi.

Let's talk.

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:47:14 GMT

[filter: p rivate]

fuc kin

ever y thin g

[Fil ter: Er ie na]

well hey

how
s

li fe?

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 08:34:22 GMT

[Filter: Ian]

Okay, so!

Just as a general bulletin for your information, I may wander off into the wilds, change my name, and vanish forever.

I'm thinking Mysterio. Too obvious?

Alternatively, I could just fucking kill myself, but that seems messy.

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:55:02 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Seraphine.

... really.

She's the real deal, after all? Really?

I've seen her writing here for years and it's been so easy to dismiss her. It seemed way too dragonsdamned convenient, didn't it? Her just showing up here? No memory?

But Ian believed it from the second I told him -- as a fucking joke. Her father has declared her the genuine article before the entire country. There's celebrations breaking out from Aeda to Lireth, the Pilgram's Pass to Erisport.

Still doesn't seem real.

It's easier, for everyone else. Everyone loved her, who couldn't love her? People loved Seraphine more than Ian! But she was always a degree away from them, wasn't she? A happy shiney flowery pixie. For whatever reason, I was --

Well, I guess I was sor of friends with them, wasn't I?

All those years, thinking Hazel was my only friend. Now I see that maybe she's never thought of me as -- as anything, and the people I thought were just humouring me ...

I'd write to her, but what's the point? She wouldn't remember me and I'm not sure what I'd even have to say. Welcome back! You're alive!

[Filter: Ian]

Crazy shit, huh?

But I guess this is old news, to you, since you always believed in her.

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 19:50:17 GMT

[the writing is a scrawled, weak mess]

knew I shouldn't have poured that last glass

hello, everything I have ever ingested!

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 23:19:32 GMT

Some of our long time viewers might remember years ago when I threw a party for the journals with a very selective guest list. It was great fun, so I thought, hey, let's throw another!

You tell me something that's going to be at this party, and something that isn't going to be at this party, and if you're right about that, then you get to come. Right.

Here, I'll let myself off easy.

There's Matthias, but no Agi.

Because seriously, who wants that guy at a party?

Come on, now, give it a shot, invites are limited and it's going to be off the hook.

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 05:26:00 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Hahahahahaha yeah.

This just ... yeah.

I'm not ready for this. Dragons. I'm so not even --

I need to get out of here. It's the South, something will be going on.

[Filter: Hazel]

I know I promised Aunt Julia I'd help her with something tonight, but I have other plans after all, so just tell her I'm not coming.

Night!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:49:33 GMT

Happy Birthday to me!

I was sort of hoping we'd be near settled human beings for this day, so I could get them to sell me alcohol and get away from my dad for a few hours, but hey. That would just be too easy.

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:52:53 GMT

Yeah, anyways, I know it's been a week, but to anyone hanging on a line of suspense, there wasn't a payoff. Sorry. I didn't even get a "good-bye." What's with that?

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:30:46 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Well, whatever else, I'll be sort of glad to get out of here on Tuesday. You'd need a sword to cut the tension around here, holy shit.

[Filter: Public]

Well, I guess the good part about still having problems walking is that you get a free and easy reason not to pull your weight in the whole preparation practice. Thank Dragons for that.

You'd think servants would do that all for us. What's the good of a title if you have to pack your own bags? Seriously.

Has anyone been following what I've been talking about lately?

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 00:18:51 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Dad wants to get moving within a week. That's him for you, isn't it? The second you're not in mortal danger, you're packed into a carriage and shipped off. Right, so this is the first time that's happened in this exact way, but, you know. Same idea, right?

I just keep thinking. What then? Yeah, I know. Thoughts. From me. Unebelievable.

But you know, seriously, really, what then? I get married, sure, Dragons, even that's -- but whatever, you know, okay. We move to Rhia? She works at the university, there? I ... party all the time? I guess. It makes sense, and Rhia's the best city for that, so hurray for me. I'd be away from my family. Living the high life. And then eventually I ... die.

Fuck, does anyone else think like this? See the future as a looking black horizon?

I just

I'd just kill myself if it didn't feel like throwing away a plate of food. Even if you don't want to eat it and it's half bad and disgusting, it's still perfectly good food. There are plenty of people who would kill for that food. In fact the food probably looks really really delicious to anyone except me! Wouldn't it be ungrateful to throw it out? Isn't it the best thing for me and the cook and everybody watching if I just stomach it, bite after bite after fucking bite?

Look, I finally understand a metaphor. Maybe I should march back up north and pass my exams with this knowledge.

I'm pathetic.

... I want to see my daughter.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 02:20:36 GMT

Well, I'm mobile.

In case anyone cares.

Healers still don't want me fucking my leg up again, so it'll still be a week or so until we get back into the carriage. Jostling isn't exactly helpful, they say. I half believe them. Maybe.

Fransisca brought me new cufflinks the other day.

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:39:26 GMT

Holy shit, good news from a healer? I didn't think it was possible. Sometimes, I actually enjoy being proven wrong.

[Filter: Private]

One moment I'm her father, the next I'm just a reference model a copy is made from. And then I'm her father again, oh, but wait!

Shouldn't still be so upset about this. It's been fucking weeks. I can't even hear something good and think, great, good news! I hear something good and think, great, I'm never gong to

Fuck it.

Sun, 18 May 2008 22:31:43 GMT

I'm not sure I have the heart to tell Lady Fransisca I'm betrothed.

Though I'm not sure how she missed that memo.

Oh well, it's nice to have company at least. I'm sure eventually Four Eyes is going to get tired of trying to read everything she hasn't yet in their library, but that day is not today!

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 00:11:52 GMT

[Filter: Private]

In Lireth, an honoured guest, he says. She could always be lying to him, but if so, why Lireth, of every House here? She knows they all write, it could easily be confirmed or denied. Pick Vernhail or something, instead. And if she is there, the Lion of Lireth doesn't exactly seem the type who'd fall for an obvious con.

... and what does that mean. Could she actually be alive? It seems fucking impossible, after all this time, especially that no one has recognized her if she's just ... you know, wandering the fucking Dentorian countryside. It's ... it's wishful thinking, that's all it is, but ...

Why am I even thinking about all this? Don't I have enough of my own problems?

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 09:36:37 GMT

[Filter: Ian]

Dear Ian,

If I punch Tarmon in the fucking face, I sure hope you're going to use all your princely powers to save my ass, because I've been here like two days and I can't even walk and it's already looking likely!

Love, Matthias.

[Filter: Public]

So, crucial update, I have my leg wrapped with like a league of bandages to help me not move it, which would be all well and good if not for how fucking itchy it is.

I may gouge my eyes out, and won't be held responsible when it happens. I'm just fuckin saying here. Dragons light and dark, have mercy on my fucking soul.

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:51:16 GMT

So, if I squint, apparently I can see Emeron. But I don't like squinting, it gives me a fucking headache, and the last thing I need is more pain, so! I think I'll just take their word for it. They're saying something like noon tomorrow, sounds fine to me. Five hungry, injured nobles coming your way, folks.

It occurs to me I should probably be asleep, but you know. Again with the pain, it's a little distracting.

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 06:26:56 GMT

[Filter: Private]

Fucking bitch.

I really wanted her to be telling the truth, too. That's the best part, I really did.

So what now?

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 03:37:44 GMT

[a little uneven]

Emeron, is it?

Great. I can't wait for that! A week can't possibly pass quickly enough!

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 03:50:19 GMT

[written at a bizarre angle]

Dragons fuck

I strongly advise against breaking your damn leg, seriously, because it hurts like a fucking bitch. Dragons.

What have I missed in the last couple weeks? The intense pain kinda makes my eyes cross. Not very conductive to reading!

And --

Fuck

one sec

You'd think he could figure out how to avoid the ice chunks in the middle of the fucking road. That hurts. But hey, at least I get my own carriage. Luxery! Away from my father and Euclid, can't really complain.

Or I can, you know. Fuck.